Monday, 23 May 2011

'The Jean Genie...'

I should really thank Hubby for ensuring that I can now actually get into my jeans. I should thank him and yet no, I’m cursing him.
     It all began over winter when Hubby discovered the joys of eating afternoon mince pies and I joined in. Nothing was nicer than cosying down in front of the log burner with a hot cocoa and a warm mince pie each afternoon as outside the snow fell. Well, enjoy it as I may, it wasn’t long before my waistline expanded, and by March I was still too large to fit into my trousers and jeans.
     I tried lying on my back and wiggling into them. No luck. I jumped up and down to get them on and succeeded, only to find the zip wouldn’t do up, or indeed would do up and would then break several hours later. I clearly needed to lose weight. I complained to Hubby and suggested I bought some new trousers. He looked horrified and said I could jolly well get back into my old ones.
     Mr Lean and Slim (in spite of eating chocolate and cake) assured me that walking was my only option. He took it upon himself to become my ‘bootcamp meister’ making sure that I was dragged out of bed when he got up (5am-6am) and taken outside for a good hike over the fields before breakfast. He then would saddle me up and take me out after breakfast and if I was very fortunate indeed he would take me out on my lead after lunch too.
     It wasn’t too bad last month because it was fairly warm for Spring and I started to feel the benefit of our regular walks. Coming back from our trip to Prague, Hubby was even more convinced about the benefits of walking and increased our routes by a few miles each day. I didn’t mind because at last I could get into my white jeans and almost do them up.
     Since our return though, it has become quite cold and horribly windy. If there’s one thing I loathe, it’s the wind. I absolutely despise it; but Hubby loves it and even finds it invigorating. Nothing would prevent his new obsession with walking. He continued to leap out of bed just as the birds are thinking about waking up, throw back the bedcovers to ensure I got up and hurtled for the door with rare enthusiasm.
     Last week as the wind whistled around my ears Hubby decided to take us even further than normal. About four miles away from the house, having crossed several fields, the skies darkened and the inevitable rain began to pour down. We got completely soaked. We tried to shelter under a tree but after half an hour of freezing even Hubby had to agree we should make our way home. Bedraggled and cold I complained.
‘You do want to get into your clothes don’t you?’ he asked.
I nodded miserably. I would rather have liposuction than this I thought as I towelled off my wet hair.
     In the afternoon he suggested a shorter walk. When I refused, he looked at my stomach and raised his eyebrows. I went along squelching through puddles. The next day it blew a gale. Hubby marched us off again on the newly discovered long walk; some seven miles of trekking. I was convinced we would be blown away as we struggled on against the ever strengthening winds. It was such an effort to walk against the wind that we actually got quite hot. Hubby battled on whistling. He was really enjoying himself.
     On our return, and after a warm shower, I put on a clean pair of jeans delighted that they slid on without any difficulty and did up. I proudly showed Hubby, who expressed relief that I didn’t need to go clothes shopping again. Later that day I felt ill. The feeling lasted all night and into the next day. I couldn’t eat any food. The pain turned into a bout of something nasty. The next day I could hardly stand up. All night I was awake with a streaming cold and a filthy headache. I felt rotten.
Hubby, who is convinced that you only have to say cold and he’ll get one, decided he didn’t want to be anywhere near me if I had a cold and took himself out for long walks without me. I was too ill to even make myself a cup of tea. He told me to stay out of any room he was in and made me sleep in the spare room on the couch. Quite honestly I was beyond caring. I dripped about in my office all day staring at the computer with unseeing eyes.
     Today, I feel better enough to write this post. I still have a rotten cold. My eyes are streaming and my stomach still hurts. Hubby is nowhere to be seen. He’s outside somewhere walking over the fields. There is, of course, a benefit to all of this. I haven’t been able to eat for four days now. Due to being ill I have lost more weight. My jeans and trousers hang slackly on me now. I might have to get them taken in. Or, maybe, when I feel better I should go to town and treat myself to a new pair. I’m sure Hubby won’t mind, after all, it is all thanks to his fitness regime! 


  1. ...Or you could eat some more mince pies to make up the difference!...Then stop!!! LOL Yeah, I know! Easier said than done!....Anyway, I hope you feel better soon and get back to your youthful, energizing walks! ^_^

  2. I admire you for keeping up with the enforced walking routine. I wish I had the self-discipline of your Hubby, but be sure not to tell him I said so. I am very sorry to hear you're feeling so rotten and hope you'll soon be on the mend and able to enjoy your new, slim silhouette!

    I'm afraid my own silhouette is going to be even worse after winter, as I'm hungry all the time and for all the wrong things! I won't let my Hubby read this post though, in case he gets it into his head to institute your Hubby's bootcamp programme for me! I think I'll be much happier just adjusting to the new, enlarged me ;) I'll buy baggy, elasticated pants on the sly and spirit all my now far too small ones away, so my Hubby won't suspect a thing ;) I'll tell him I only look bigger, now that he can see so much better, since he got his new specs! Do you think he'll fall for that?

    Big hug,
    Des xoxo

  3. Well, I think you're a flipping saint Carol, that's all I can say, being dragged over fields and uphill and down dale!! Eeeek! No wonder you're ill! Don't you realize that when you get to a certain age you just have to sit in a comfy chair, armed with a good book and a glass of sherry?! Don't know about a pleasant stroll - it all sounds much more like a planned route march to me!! Like you, I absolutely hate the wind and it's still out there today. Oh well, I'll just have to pick up another book and reach for the bottle again! (By the way, you have got a little mention over on my blog today!). Honestly, that Desiree - what's she like?! Baggy, elasticated pants - oh my, oh my!!

  4. Sorry! Forgot to say, I really do hope that you'll be feeling better very soon. xx

  5. Splutter splutter cough cough - just come to see if anyone has read my pathetic post today and hurray - my favourite people are here.
    Poetess Wug - No, mince pies are definitely off the agenda from now on. I seem to be on a diet of green tea at the moment but hopefully I'll soon be back up to speed. Thank you.
    Desiree my dear friend. Honsetly Hubby is so disciplined it is untrue - he's been out on his own three times today. Either he is walking or he's having an affair wth a farmer. Baggy pants seem to be the easiest solution. At least I wouldn't feel like this ;)
    Thisisme - you minx - sherry and a good book. Oh how I long for that. Huby also has me on an alcohol free diet. No wonder I'm ill -I'm probably detoxing too fast. Many thanks for the mention. You really shouldn't have XOXO

  6. I've got a new name for you--BOTUK. The Secret Service calls our president POTUS, which is the acronym for President of the United States. You absolutely should be Bombeck of the United Kingdom! Shouldn't lifting a glass of sherry to your lips be counted as arm exercise? Feel better soon, funny lady! PS--Did you get my elephant email?

  7. fishducky - I love my new name! I also laughed at your sherry comment. Thank you for your kind wishes.As for the elephant email I am off to seek it out as it hasn't turned up in my inbox. Grrr.

  8. I'm so sorry you are feeling ill Carol! I wish you the best and hope you heal up quickly!

  9. Hello! Newest follower from the Give It To Me Monday blog hop! Would love for you to stop by and follow back, whenever you get a chance. Have a great week! (:


  10. Dear BOTUK--I'm resending the elephant email.

  11. Carol, I'm glad you're feeling better for one thing. Second, congrats on putting up with the walking tyrant that he is. Don't you hate it when they're right? I do. But getting in those jeans is the best feeling isn't it?

  12. BOTUK, fishducky has chosen a great name for you! I do hope that you are feeling much better. How sweet of Hubby to make you work like the dickens to walk in all kinds of weather, then disappear when you are sick! Good luck on the detox!

  13. Craziness Abounds - the tyrant boot camp meister hauled me out of the spare room at 6am and told me a walk would be good for me this morning - flipping heck he was right too. I now feel quite a bit better. Well it's either the walk in the fresh air or the many cold and flu capsules I took to see me through the morning. Thank you for your kind wishes.
    Amberfaith - How lovely to meet you. I shall definitely come by as soon as I have finished here. Many thanks for following me too.
    fishducky I am off to check it asap. Love my new name I might have to start signing off with it :)
    Bouncin Barb - As always, you are right. The walking tyrant is doing a fantastic job even if I am ill due to the soaking and wind. The jeans look very good on so yes, it's a great feeling. He looks pretty ace too which is even more annoying because he isn't ill!
    Darlene - fishducky is very witty. She keeps coming up with things that make me grin. The dear man has a phobia about being ill. When I was pregnant he kept disappearing in case he caught morning sickness! Roll on feeling better and quoffing a large glass of wine. ;)